How do you get people to stop performing and start participating?
In every workshop I run – boards, executives, community groups – there’s a moment when the room goes from polite to real. Everyone feels it, whether they acknowledge it or not. People stop performing and start thinking together. And that shift isn’t luck; it’s designed.
Over the years, I’ve learned that psychological safety shows up in the smallest cues: how we open, who speaks most, and how that very first tension is handled. Get these micro-rituals right and the conversation gets brave – fast.
If you’re holding a space for others to speak, your job isn’t to be nice; it’s to create the conditions where risk feels possible. In my experience, that has a lot less to do with leadership mantras, grand values statements or motivational pep-talks, and a lot more to do with the quiet choreography of the first five minutes: structure, sequence, tone.
Below are five moves I use in one-off facilitation workshops as well as longer leader and team-building programs. If you’re in a position of leadership or management, coach and mentor groups, or play any kind of facilitator role – steal one for your next meeting and watch participation grow. Steal three and you’ll feel the culture evolve.
1) Start in a circle (not behind desks)
Every physical space sends a social signal. In a meeting room with tables, teams sit behind barriers – both literally and psychologically. When people are lined up behind a desk or screen (especially sitting down while another is standing), they default to ‘presentation mode’ – expecting someone else to lead while they follow.
Circles remove that hierarchy. They encourage eye contact, mutual attention, and accountability – the foundations of psychological safety. When everyone can see each other’s faces and gestures, subtle cues of inclusion strengthen. Nods, smiles, and micro-affirmations don’t go unnoticed (like they often do over Zoom), and this visibility reduces the sense of risk that comes with speaking up.
Try this in your next meeting:
- Begin in a circle and frame the purpose in one clear sentence: “We’re here to solve X together.”
- Invite quick intros – names, roles, and how they’re feeling. (This small ritual signals from the start that every voice matters and also helps us all understand the energy in the room.)
Remember, the point here isn’t geometry; it’s proximity and equality.
Bonus points if you can make it a regular ritual.
2) Get voices in early (with feelings)
When people speak early, they’re far more likely to contribute again. It’s a simple behavioural truth: once a person has heard their own voice in the room, the barrier to future participation drops dramatically. That’s why, as a facilitator, my goal is always to help every person to say something within the first five minutes.
Early speaking isn’t just about comfort – it’s about ownership. When people hear themselves, they psychologically “arrive” in the space. They shift from observer to participant. Adding a gentle emotional check-in (I ask people to share how they are feeling) amplifies this effect.
Safety grows when we remember that everyone in the room has feelings, not just functions. Acknowledging that helps dissolve the armour we wear at work and makes the group’s shared purpose feel more authentic.
Try this in your next meeting:
- Invite everyone to share one word for how they’re arriving. You could frame it as, “What was on your mind as you walked in?” or “How’s your energy as we start?” We want to normalise emotion, not analyse it, so keep it brief and open-ended.
- Mix up the format to disrupt the usual flow: start with a pair-share before going around the room, let people nominate who’s next, or move in reverse.
By inviting everyone in early and levelling the ‘order’, you’re quietly teaching the group that their contribution doesn’t have to be earned, it’s expected and welcomed.
3) Let the group set its own rules
People honour what they helped create. When the group authors its own norms, you reduce defensiveness (“don’t tell me how to behave”) and increase ownership. The act of naming ground rules together also surfaces what the room needs to feel brave – before the stakes get high.
Co-created norms do three things for psychological safety:
- Lower risk: clear expectations shrink the social cost of speaking up.
- Distribute power: the rules aren’t “Helga’s rules”; they’re ours.
- Enable repair: when things wobble, you can point back to what we agreed.
Try this in your next meeting:
- Ask one focusing question: “What do we need to do, and how do we need to be, for the discussion today to be a success?” (or “… so it feels safe to disagree?”)
- Silent think, then paired discussion and then harvest ideas. Cluster and choose 5-7 ‘core agreements’ as you do this, keeping them behavioural and specific, not lofty.
- Make the outcomes unmissable – writing them big, sharing a photo after the meeting, and revisiting them after lunch and briefly again at the end (“Which norm helped us? Which one do we want to strengthen next time?”)
Here’s an example from a recent workshop I facilitated (feel free to steal as back-up!)
- listen
- confidentiality
- active in discussion, contribute
- brave/safe space
- space for everyone to contribute
- time
4) Acknowledge tension upfront (while modelling calm)
Nothing erodes psychological safety faster than unspoken tension. When disagreement brews and stays unsaid, the room starts to tighten – shoulders rise, eyes drop, participation stalls. When difference is named early and held calmly, something powerful happens: people realise this is a space where honesty isn’t punished, it’s productive.
As a facilitator, I don’t rush to smooth over discomfort. I name it. I might say, “I can sense a bit of tension here – let’s pause and learn what’s going on.” The goal isn’t to solve it instantly, it’s to model steadiness in uncertainty. When people see that tension can be navigated without judgment, they learn that speaking a hard truth won’t cost them belonging (what every group wants, unknowingly or not).
Healthy friction actually fuels creativity and even trust. Teams that avoid it may seem polite, but they rarely innovate or course-correct. The art is to make difference safe – not to eliminate it.
Try this in your next meeting:
- When you sense discomfort or divergence, name it neutrally: “I’m hearing a few different perspectives – can we stay with that for a moment?” Slow the pace. Use silence as oxygen, not awkwardness.
- Appreciate the difference in opinion: “That’s a useful insight – thanks for testing that assumption.” It teaches others that disagreement isn’t dangerous; it’s a source of data.
- If you’re leading, soften your body language while you speak – relaxed shoulders, open palms, steady tone. Your calm gives others permission to stay engaged, even when there’s more heat in the room.
To do this well, the best question anyone can ask themselves is this:
When I sense discomfort, do I rush to fix it – or stay curious long enough to let trust deepen?
5) Close with meaningful reflection, not rush
How you end a session says as much about its safety as how you begin it. Most meetings finish in a flurry – people pack up, glance at their phones, and dash to the next thing. But when we rush the ending, we lose the chance to consolidate meaning. Without reflection, people walk away unclear about what mattered, or unseen in what they contributed.
A thoughtful close should honour the group’s contribution, integrate their learnings, and signal completion – that the space was a good use of their time. It lets the group exhale together.
I often use a ritual that’s equal parts simple and sacred: a checkout. Everyone shares one word or sentence about what stood out, what they appreciated, or what they’ll take forward. It’s simple but powerful, and you’ll often gain unexpected insights about what really landed.
Try this in your next meeting:
- Ask: “What’s one insight, appreciation, or action you’re taking with you?”, keeping it to a sentence each, as brevity keeps energy high and reflections honest.
- If you’re short on time, simply “what one word sums up the discussion we have had today?”
- As the person leading, go last. Your role is to listen first, then close with gratitude, safely completing the meeting arc. I, personally, also like to throw in a few jelly beans because – even to grown-ups – a happy-looking snack signals comfort!
Evaluation: For each jelly bean you choose, ponder the question that aligns with the colour:
- Black – What worked well in the discussions today?
- Purple – What has stood out for you from the discussions today?
- Green – What is one thing you could do differently after hearing the discussions?
- Blue – Who could you share your ideas or learning from today with?
- Yellow – What action will you take as a result of the discussion?
- Orange – What comment/phrase/moment has stuck with you?
- Red – Choose your own question!
- Pink – What got the creative juices flowing today?
- White – The one word that sums up today so far is
By the end of any meeting, you want people to walk away thinking, “that mattered, I mattered, we mattered” and feeling nourished on their way out (not just with sugar). And all these moves add up to something bigger – a culture where people feel safe to take risks, tell the truth, and keep learning.
That being said, culture isn’t just a “vibe”. It’s a system. So, once you’ve built the habits that create psychological safety, how do you know if they’re actually working?
If you lead an ongoing team, measure it
Many people assume psychological safety is a “mystery metric.” Yet these days, we can track it, talk about it, and tend to it with precision. The best cultures don’t leave safety to chance – this is a result they care about and prioritise.
That’s why I get so excited about Team Excel, the tool by Data Drives Insight that I use with teams and boards.
In less than five minutes, it gives a clear snapshot of how safe your space feels to contribute to, pose questions in, or express disagreement. Once complete, you receive:
- An anonymised psychological-safety score – your snapshot of how confident and comfortable the team feels to speak up and contribute.
- Pinpointed focus areas – such as Connection, Collaboration, or Clarity of communication.
- Micro-learnings – small, practical behaviour shifts you can try right away (like inviting quieter voices in, naming tensions early, or checking in on energy before output).
Who is this tool for?
If you lead a team or facilitate a working group that meets regularly, I recommend using Team Excel as a quarterly pulse check or at the mid-point of key projects. It keeps dialogue open, surfaces blind spots, and gives everyone a shared language for what “safe enough to speak up” actually feels like.
If you’d like to see the tool in action, see the results from my Take on Board Accelerator cohort below, who showed outstanding safety across the year. Or, if you’d like to begin with yourself, there’s also a Leader Excel tool for individuals – a personal baseline for how you create (or constrain) safety around you.
This dial reflects your team’s psychological safety score ie., how strongly does your team believe it’s ok to take risks, express their ideas and concerns, speak up with questions and to admit mistakes – all without fear of negative consequences. The higher the score, the stronger this belief is. High performing teams have a high score on this dial.
As a strategist at heart, I love this work because it’s quick, evidence-based, and human – combining measurable data with the lived experience of culture. Not to mention, deeper connection, braver conversations, and better decisions are results I can get excited about!
A quick starter facilitation kit, using these principles (copy/paste!)
To bring these principles to life straight away, here’s a simple starter guide I use to design psychologically safe sessions – whether I’m working with a new team or a seasoned board. Feel free to copy, paste, and adapt.
- Room: Circle if possible.
- Opener: Name, why you’re here, one-word feeling.
- Norms: Group-authored, photographed, and reflected on.
- Conflict: Addressed openly and enthusiastically.
- Close: Honour time, integrate shares, appreciate presence.
- Measure: With Leader or Team Excel on a seasonal basis.
Small shifts like these may seem subtle, but they’re what turn routine meetings into real conversations where the best ideas are born.
Forget theory – safety lives in the furniture, the first words, and the facilitation.
The safest rooms are those that are well structured.
Whether you work as a facilitator, lead a team, or chair regular meetings – the design of your spaces determine whether people are willing to take the risks required for healthy challenge and meaningful collaboration.
If you’d like to see what this could look like for your organisation or group, I’d love to facilitate your next workshop or partner with you in implementing Team Excel. My facilitation style blends data, dialogue, and just enough jelly beans to keep everyone honest.
Get in touch to explore how I can help your group think and speak more boldly.
